My Twisted Ankle


One day I was playing tennis and twisted my ankle. I didn't like it. My ankle agreed. It didn't like it. In fact I think it resented that and became slightly jealous. Although they say that my enemy's enemy is my friend and both me and my ankle didn't like the act of twisting it, my ankle became jealous, not my friend. I found that odd and took it out on the irc for debate.

AlesS: if my body won't fix the ankle soon I'm thinking of going on strike :]
azhreia: al: try threatening it with a large mallet
Ngarewyrd: or better yet, an axe
AlesS: ankle should be the most watched-after posession... but no, my body doesn't give a damn
AlesS: battyden: well body should think of it, I mean it's in production for, what, millions of years, it should have thought of some protection by now; just look at the turtles
boodie: armour for ankles?? wouldnt that get in the way?
AlesS: well, maybe a slight redesign of the ankle would be required, but that's not my job
boodie: a few millenia for evolution
AlesS: see?! that's what I'm saying, the body is straight out lazy
* boodie giggles
AlesS: it's in fact so incredibly lazy, that we even have a word for it: evolution
boodie: you need a miracle worker
AlesS: I can't play tennis with a sprained ankle... I can't do anything with a sprained ankle, well I can ride a bicycle in the present condition but that's it
* AlesS is getting desperate...
AlesS: know any miracle worker? :]
boodie: sorry i'm all out of miracles
AlesS: when will you have some again?
boodie: not sure.. they're tricky things, happen when you least expect it
AlesS: I promise not to expect it. :]
boodie: heheh
AlesS: In fact I'll expect exactly the opposite, that should make it the least expectable. :]
AlesS: I'll even play footbal to make sure of it.
boodie: wow, you're game
AlesS: I don't like broken things :]
AlesS: I like to fix them though, but I just don't know how to fix an ankle.
boodie: time may be the onlything
AlesS: I don't intend to wait for another summer to play the next game of tennis :]
AlesS: maybe if I move down under, then it wouldn't be that long for another summer to arrive... ;)
boodie: well that depends, do you want to ruin your ankle permanatly, so you cant ever play tennis again?
AlesS: hell no, that's why I want it fixed ASAP :]
boodie: then barring a miracle, time is the only thing
AlesS: hmmm... you didn't say how much time
AlesS: if it's only one week to go, okay, I can deal with that... if it's two weeks then I'll need some restraints... anything more you'll have to sedate me
* boodie gets the injection and the restraints ready
AlesS: ouch, it would take 3 or more weeks?
AlesS: this is disaster
AlesS: give me a truckload of chocolate and a cave
boodie: plus the injectionsa nd the restraints?
AlesS: no, I won't need it
AlesS: I'll imagine I'm a bear and I'll be training for hibernation
* boodie nods.... fair enough, i'll throw clean newspaper your way every so often
boodie: anythong else you'll need?
AlesS: what, besides a clean newspaper?
AlesS: actually I've been thinking about this newspaper thing and I can't say I'm sure what you meant with it :]
boodie: well if you're hibernating with all that chocolate....
AlesS: but it's almost pure energy... there shouldn't be a lot of "residue" :] maybe once a month?
boodie: whatever you say... you have to live with you 8-)
AlesS: an odd comment... I don't like the semantics of it :]
boodie: well no one else is in the cave with you, any odours or anything else for that matter will only bother one person 8-)
AlesS: I'll have a far more painful thing on my mind to be bothered by: my ankle :]
boodie: i'm sure you and your ankle will have plenty of time to reallu get to know each other
AlesS: after three weeks in the cave I'll be in a mood to just saw it off if I won't succeed in hibernating before :]
AlesS: how about if I pay someone to heal the ankle for me? I'll just use his/her ankle for the time being :]
AlesS: nowadays doctors seem to be uite skilled in transplanting limbs so it shouldn't be a problem :]
boodie: well there is always that I guess, seems like an extreme route to take
AlesS: if my ankle goes to extremes, why shouldn't I? :]
boodie: i get the feeling that you and your ankle should attemd some form of counselling, and work through this little problem
AlesS: and I get the feeling you've got some free space in your timetable :]
boodie: i dunno, fractured relationships between body parts are a specialised field
AlesS: you'll have to excuse me now, I'll just pop out and laugh where I can't disturb anyone :>
boodie: glad I tickled your funny bone
AlesS: I have a funny bone?
boodie: yes, but its not talking to your ankle, demarcation dispute
AlesS: demarcation dispute?
AlesS: do they claim ownership over the same bone?
boodie: yes, you know, over whose job it is to do what... really you need to take your whole body to the industrial relations council and work something out, or next you know, your brain will decide it doesnt get on with your lungs and then where wuld you be?
AlesS: can't just talk around for hours and assume the ankle will get healed because of it :]
boodie: hey, i'm doing what I can,
AlesS: I need more :]
boodie: what else do you want from me'
AlesS: practical advice
boodie: LOL from me??
AlesS: what's wrong with that? :]
boodie: i thought i was being practical.. y'know the cave and newspapers, chocolate
AlesS: well actually I provided the main dish, you just spiced it up a little
boodie: i also suggeted counselling for your ankle
AlesS: you think the ankle would stop being lazy after counselling?
boodie: it might be all it needs to pull itself together
AlesS: but the whole body is lazy, sometimes it even goes ill just to spite me
boodie: well take the whole thing to counselling then, you really have to work on your intra body dialogue here.. and bugger the demarcation disputes
AlesS: boodie: know any skilled counsellors in this field?
boodie: not anyone who is willing to come between a man and his ankle
AlesS: boodie: I guess I'll have to deal with it alone then
boodie: aless: yep.. have a good long talk to your ankle
AlesS: I'll be going now... I have scheduled a meeting with a pizza and after I'm done with it I'll be pushing balls on a table with a large stick; maybe I'll talk to my ankle when I get home not to bother me while sleeping

And the debate continues the next day.

AlesS: my ankle still hurts... I've been thinking of some kind of temporary separation for each to think things over and then perhaps start the relationship anew, on new grounds etc.
boodie: perhaps some time apart would do them some good
AlesS: hm... what axe do you recommend? :]
boodie: somnethhing sharp
AlesS: size doesn't matter?
boodie: as long as its sharp
AlesS: but what if it decides to lead a solitary life?
AlesS: I can't just live without it
boodie: perhaps you should wine and dine it
AlesS: what does that mean?
boodie: well after the seperation, if you want it back, take it out and show it a good time
AlesS: but all I want is just that it stops hurting... why does it have to be so difficult?
AlesS: I can show it a good time without all that hassle...
boodie: LOL
AlesS: I mean, why doesn't it say something? Am I supposed to just know everything?
boodie: yes, you are.. its supposed to be intuitive
AlesS: The difficulty with intuitivnes is that it implicitly means I get no say in anything, I just follow "orders"
boodie: and whats wrong with that?
AlesS: I like to know reasons; not just what to do but also why to do it.
boodie: hey, I dont even know
AlesS: know what?
boodie: the reasons
AlesS: so what you're saying is that you don't know the reasons for your inuitive knowledge, or better said: you don't know the reasons why the urge to follow intuitive reasoning seems right?
boodie: very good
AlesS: well, thank you
AlesS: but you follow the intuitive reasoning nonetheless?
AlesS: but that's like convicting John Doe of attempting forgery before the mere thought of falsification even struck him
AlesS: you just don't have any proof
AlesS: and you're doing it anyway
boodie: can you think of anything better in the abscence of concrete evidence
AlesS: well, not doing it is a valid choice, too
boodie: well thats truie too.. the choice is yours
AlesS: doing something else also, like making sure John Doe doesn't have a chance to see the original in the first place
AlesS: the latter would be the course of action I'd take; I always seem to choose constructive things, not destructive
boodie: so how are you going to relate this back to your ankle?
AlesS: well my ankle hurts, there's no doubt about that
AlesS: now I have to convince it that its intuitive response to spraining it might not be an altogether good idea
AlesS: boodie: but body is lazy and I can expect nothing better from the ankle thus it's reasonable to expect it will stick to intuitive responses
boodie: *nods* as is to be expected
AlesS: boodie: so I can hardly convince the ankle not to use irresponsibly its intuition and consider some other options, too, if I don't make the body less lazy before
boodie: well one might reasonably be expected to follow the other
AlesS: boodie: but hammering laziness out of body is futile task in itself; I mean it has made sure that it would be quite impossible to do something like that, with needing thousands of years to make even a subtle change; my lifespan is not sufficient enough to even convince it to change the colour of my hair
boodie: well then its a lost cause isnt it.. you'll just have to suffer
AlesS: I feel like I'm fighting a huge dragon here, and the dragon doesn't even take notice of me
AlesS: but... I demand justice!
boodie: good luck
AlesS: you're not exactly of much help, are you?
boodie: not when it comes to ankles, no
AlesS: I think I should've logged this conversation and posted it somewhere
boodie: would they believe it to be real?
AlesS: perhaps not everyone, but does that matter?
boodie: i supose not, though last nights was more surreal
AlesS: yes, it was :]
boodie: i had several good lines last night
AlesS: yes, you did :]
AlesS: darn, I should've logged it :]
boodie: mmm, me too, though I dont usually log channels
AlesS: it's the desire that kills you, the feeling of separation and the urge become one with someone/thing
AlesS: but I'll stop or you'll suffer another hour of my philosophy :]
boodie: and i'll have to get all surreal again, and start talking about counselling for ankles and separation anxiety and demarcation disputes
AlesS: indeed :>
boodie: and then we can bring ip the idea of the sharp axe and argue round incircles

And a bit later I restarted the debate...

AlesS: don't you feel that ankles have a mind of their own?
boodie: well yours does, since it wont obey you and get better LAST WEEK
AlesS: pretty annoying, don't you think?
boodie: very.. well i've suggested counselling, you suggested violence
AlesS: I like to consider more than just one way of handling things... I didn't state that I prefer one or the other, in fact I like neither
boodie: we could try ignoring, playing it at its own game
AlesS: that would mean releasing control, not that I have any at the moment, but I'd like to get back in control
AlesS: I can't use my ankle as such, complaining and whining about every step that I take
boodie: discipline?
AlesS: not discipline, we're not in the army for heaven's sake, just a bit of respect
boodie: you want it to respect you, do you respect it?
AlesS: I don't expect it to comply with all of my whims as I don't wish to comply with all of its whims, I just wish it would have some respect for my reasonable requests
AlesS: I can't respect its unreasonable urge to cause me pain with every step I take for more than one week just because I _accidently_ made one awkward step
boodie: perhaps it feels pain that you just dont, and this is its way of letting you know its hurting and to stop making demands on it
AlesS: but I'm dependent on it! you can't just cut off people like that and not telling them ahead some reasonable time before you cut them off so they could obtain a replacement!
boodie: perhaps you need some sort of independant appendage, for the time being, some sort of support
AlesS: don't you think that would just infuriate the ankle? I would virtually circumvent it, do without it; it might start hurting even when I don't make requests for cooperation
boodie: it might, but not if you explain that this is just temporary thing and is in the ankles own best interest
AlesS: I can't afford anything less than the certain success; I can't even start to think about that little possibility of failure
boodie: I think you're being overly harsh on your ankle
AlesS: I'll show you I'm not: let's play a game, I'll be my ankle, and you'll be me. Now try walking.
boodie: ouch ouch
AlesS: well, won't you do anything about the pain?
* boodie reaches for the axe
AlesS: I said you'll be me, not you :]
boodie: just hand me that axe and no more shillyshallying
AlesS: now you're being harsh; I was never that harsh
boodie: you're not me, i dont like pain, i'll frighten it into getting better
AlesS: but I said you'll behave like me so I can show you I'm not harsh
AlesS: but I think this will suffice, you have shown what being harsh means and I was never such
boodie: perhaps you should have been
AlesS: my ankle doesn't respond well to threats as of late
boodie: what about strapping?
AlesS: strapping? I don't understand
boodie: strapping it up
AlesS: you think if I threat to strap it up it won't hurt anymore?
boodie: not just threaten, but do it
AlesS: I had it strapped up occasionally until Sunday, now I don't attempt it anymore because it doesn't like it, it hurts even more
* boodie nods... but since its hardly going to incapcitate you permanatly, and will get better, in reasonable short amount of time.
AlesS: well I don't think the time is reasonable and to describe it as reasonable is an extreme stretching of the meaning
AlesS: I mean, to describe it as short
* boodie grins
AlesS: I see I must work out the anti-sprain reflex a little more :]
AlesS: I had my ankles sprained several times now, the last time was about 4 years ago though and then I've developed a reflex that always when I make an awkward step and don't correct it at once, the muscles on the leg give way, I loose support on the leg, and fall
boodie: yes you must, something to strive for
AlesS: that reflex came into action during this sprain, too (I fell), that's why it isn't more severe, but it was too late anyway
boodie: excuses excuses, and you blame your ankle, you mistreat it several times
AlesS: hey, it could at least say something, I can listen, and it's not as if I didn't try to prevent it
boodie: you want it to apologise to you?*
AlesS: it could at least say something, not necessary an apology; it could at least give me a sign of the effort it tries to do something in the way of cooperation
boodie: like getting better as quickly as possible?
AlesS: boodie: correct
boodie: so what are you doing for it, in return for this?
AlesS: boodie: I'm being careful with it
boodie: that might not be enough AlesS
AlesS: boodie: what then do you suggest?
boodie: tell it you love it?
AlesS: well I like it and I'm happy it's with me and all that, but...
AlesS: loving it?!
boodie: a little love goes a long way you know
AlesS: but how can I love it when it's such a stubborn ass?
boodie: love it because it is
AlesS: so the mere existence gives it the privilege to be loved?
boodie: yes
AlesS: how interesting it would be if this would be applied on everything, the whole world...
boodie: it would, but you know thats not how it goes.. but you dont have to do what everyone else does
AlesS: I see, because noone else loves it that doesn't mean I shouldn't love it, too, so I might just as well love it
AlesS: but what if I reverse that: I'll just convinve everyone else to love it
AlesS: that is, convince
boodie: and how will you do that?
AlesS: I'll just tell people to help me out and love it :]
boodie: that might work
AlesS: would you be so kind and love it for me? :]
* boodie professes she is very fond of your ankle
AlesS: does that mean you love it?
boodie: i do love your ankle
AlesS: thanks :]
boodie: is this helping?
boodie: and will i ever get a normal conversation again?
AlesS: it helps, yes, thank you :>
AlesS: you may hav a normal conversation now :>

Of course you can provide some feedback about my ankle, too. Anything, just that it helps. You can write me at aless at rulz dot org.